for mothers of little boys

I read an excellent article this evening about mothers showing respect to their sons. Sometimes as a mom we wonder if we are teaching are sons to be gentlemen, strong in character and sweet in spirit....growing to follow the Lord with their whole heart. How do we raise and train a son in the ways of the Lord and show respect for him at the same time? Boys really are different than girls. They learn differently; they need love differently. Love for a man (and little men) includes respect. And that is why this article spoke to me.

my little prince

Before I comment on the article I would like to share a little about my son. He is such a sweetheart, and loves to be a boy. Stuck between two girls might make some little men feel squelched, but not my Frederick. He loves to play hard, throw balls, read all his books at once, and be heard. He also has a tender spirit and wants to be loved, and cares deeply about how I feel about his behavior. Sometimes I struggle as a mother because I feel like all I do is discipline and I feel somedays there is more correcting than hugging, but when he finally gets what is being taught it is worth all the heartaches of the day. I pray so much for my children, and it seems quite often for my boy. I know when the Lord is talking to him because it plays out in his behavior. And at the end of the day when he is talking to Jesus, he has the most profound prayers: observant of the needs of others, a desire to do good, and so genuine. Those moments are a gift from the Lord as I know that a hard days work in coming to fruition.

Here are Ten Ways for Moms to Respect Their Sons, by Jen Smidt. I suggest reading the rest of her article too as it is not too long and full of good thoughts.


1. SET JESUS AS THE STANDARD
There is no man other than Jesus who demonstrates perfection. You will never go wrong in upholding him as the source, pointing to him as the example, and depending upon him for the answers.

2. PRAY FOR THEM AND OVER THEM
You aren’t in control of their lives, you never will be. What better time than now to put yourself in submission to God’s plan for your sons by releasing them in prayer? Mothers have an awesome responsibility to pray for the intimate details that she knows about her son’s heart.

3. WATCH YOUR TONE
Respect is often given and destroyed in the little things. I know the look in my son’s eye when I speak to him with a harsh or shaming tone—it is the pain of disrespect. Speak graciously, kindly, and firmly to your sons.

4. LET THEM MAKE DECISIONS
Start small with choices like red or blue shirt, and move to increasing responsibility over time management and bigger life choices. Give them opportunities to lead in your home: chores, devotions, and family nights can be planned and executed by sons growing in maturity.

5. SERVE THEM
Love them with food, fun, folding of laundry. Let them see that you are willing to sacrificially serve them. Teach them to be grateful and one day they may actually thank you.

6. TEACH THEM TO SERVE YOU
Respectable men serve others. Servanthood does not come naturally to most of us. As you cheerfully serve your son, make sure you instruct and involve them in active service also. There will come a time when it is no longer sacrificial but sinful for you to be folding your boy’s undies.

7. NO SECRETS
Hidden sin is an insidious trap for men. Cultivate a climate of open confession and generous forgiveness. It is much more powerful for your son to feel like he can freely confess sin than have to hide in fear of your reaction.

8. NAME SIN BIBLICALLY
Do not fall into “Boys will be boys” thinking. Differentiate between childish foolishness and downright rebellion. Instruct the former and correct the latter. Name their sin with accurate descriptions from Scripture so they can repent.

9. NAME CHARACTER BIBLICALLY
Read to them and have them study passages of Scripture that speak to men (1 Cor. 16:13-14). Have them memorize passages of Scripture that describes their identity and riches available to them in Christ (Ephesians 1) so they can rejoice.

10. LET CONSEQUENCES FALL ON THEIR HEADS
Respectable men recognize the painful effects of sin. If our boys are continually being shielded from natural consequences, they will have a distorted sense of self and sin. Let them feel the pain of their sin coupled with the restorative effects of grace.

....My favorite line from the article: If our boys are continually being shielded from natural consequences, they will have a distorted sense of self and sin.

treasures

It's Sunday evening and I'm sitting on the couch watching my children dance to Jackie Evancho's version of Nella Fantasia. They stretch out their arms, twirl round and round, then giggle as they get dizzy and fall to the ground or bump into each other. The sounds of happy children; there really isn't anything quite like it. Sometimes it is good to sit for a moment and appreciate what we have been given, to find the good in what we have been given, to enjoy what we have been given. It could all be gone in a moment. Life goes so fast and it is so very easy to get caught up in the mundane that the treasures pass us by.

To help me remember, I would like to share some recent treasures.

- My son has the funniest expressions. They make me smile. "Buzzert" - dessert. "Butterfly sword" - flyswatter. He gets close to Claire and whispers, "Hello, my beauty." He is driving his tractor on the floor and looks at Elauna and says, "Get out of the field." :-) Oh, it still makes me laugh. He runs up to me and says, "Let's play the game 'It's nice to meet you'" and sticks out his hand to practice meeting someone. He just giggles when I shake his hand.

- I wanted to go shopping with my mom and told Elauna that she wasn't going because I might look for a present for her upcoming birthday and it wouldn't be a surprise if she saw. She told me "three is enough {presents}, I don't need any more." She grabbed my hand and looked at me...she wanted to be with me more than getting a present.

- The toys take a long time to get cleaned up because it is as much a game to put them away as it was to  make the mess in the first place. The dozer, backhoe, and grain wagon get used to transport each toy....normally one at a time...to the proper location. Speed is seldom a factor, nor is my agitation.

- Miss Claire broke Elauna's bracelet and Elauna brought me the pieces. "Can you put my beedles back together?"

- Elauna tells me, "You're the best mommy ever!" {at least she thinks so and that is good enough for me, it is my own treasure}

- Those priceless video moments when I am taking pictures of my children and pan from one to the other....and when I get to Frederick his finger is up his nose. {I laughed later.} Boys do so many things that you dare not react to while they are doing them.

- My children name their toys after family and friends. They spend hours going to "Mimi and Papa's farm" (the toy barn), then driving to "church" (the couch), then to "camp"(under the desk), then off to one of their aunt's houses. The Duplo people have been named and stuffed into a toy car or tractor and round and round they go. Right now Frederick is asking, "How 'bout this be Eli?" and off he rides on the Duplo horse. Imaginations are a wonderful thing.

- My parent's horses are named Adam Raynyday, Lovey, Blackbird and Sunny.  {above mentioned Duplo horses have been named after them: "Rainyday", "Sunnyday" "Doveydovey", and "Blackbird" went unchanged}

- Miss Claire squeals with delight to play with her brother and sister. She gets the biggest smile when she sees people she knows. Oh, and if I'm barefoot she will sneak up and bite my toe. :-) {do you love a child? tell them. hug them if you can. they know}

Yes there are trials, and discipline required, but I don't want that to be the culmination of my memories....or their memories for that matter. I want my children to know I enjoy being with them. So if you stop by and the house is a mess, I am probably dancing with my children.

manners

The recent Parents magazine had a list of 25 manners children should know by the age of 9. (Read it at www.parents.com/manners-list ). As I was reading over the 25 manners, it occurred to me that many adults do not even use appropriate manners. In this culture of have-it-quick, have-it-my-way, we have begun to let common courtesy and politeness lag, and the result is a disinterest in the effect our behaviour has on others. Courtesy and manners are especially important in the home, as it is the training ground for interaction with the rest of the world. When children are disrespectful at home, they will most certainly be in public, for there is a much larger and attentive audience for which they can "perform." I am constantly in awe of how perceptive little children are, even at a very young age, at noticing when you want them on their "best behaviour." And that seems to be when they test your sincerity and commitment to discipline. :-) (Experience talking....)

Some of the 25 I especially like, as well as a few we use in our home:

• When you ask for something, say "Please"; when receiving something, say "Thank you."
• "Yes, ma'am" and "Yes, sir" when an adult asks you to do something.
• Do not interrupt. If you need someone's attention, say "excuse me."
• Ask permission; do not assume you are allowed to do something. "May I please..."
• Do not comment on people's physical appearance unless, of course, it is to compliment them.
• Do not call people mean names or make fun. Teasing shows you are weak.
• Even if something is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend you are interested.
• If you bump into someone, say "excuse me."
• Cover your mouth when you sneeze; do not pick, scratch, etc in public.
• When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.
• Use eating utensils properly. Chew with your mouth closed. Elbows off the table.
• Keep a napkin in your lap; use it to wipe your mouth clean when necessary.
• Do not talk on the phone or text while at the table. Do not read at the table.
• Do not reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.
• When you are a guest in someone's home, thank them for having you over and for the good time you had.
• Clean up after yourself. Do not leave a mess for someone else to clean.

I would like to add that there is a difference between having a mannerly child and stifling your child from having enjoyment in life. Children ought to enjoy life and childhood! I knew one mother when I was growing up who was so concerned that her son act properly that she would never let him get dirty, and she was appalled when he came home muddy from a scouting trip. There is a big difference between washing a pair of jeans, and asking forgiveness for a cruel word said. Perspective is a great clarifier. I would rather my daughter feel the joy of dancing at church (even though that might not be acceptable to everyone) than to stifle her and make her feel that church is all about performance.

From Proverbs..."Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."